If I hear the 'buzzzz' sound, or any version similar to it I FREAK out.

Why? Because I have an abnormal fear of bee's!  Seriously I do.

I would say I 'don't know why' this is, but I think I do.  I remember being 5 or so and my Grandmother telling me that if my mother were stung by a Bee she would DIE.  Yes.... and she went on to say that once she did get stung and her tongue swelled up; she couldn't breathe (or perhaps I imagined this part) regardless this is where my fear was born.

Bee's SMELL my fear; like dogs.  I could be hiding in the shower and a Bee will find it's way in and try to attack me!  Today I lifted the lid to turn on the BBQ and there was a HUGE Bee inside!  I freaked out and hit the 'ignition' button ASAP...poor little bee... NOT.

This bee fear actually gets in the way of my enjoyment of the outdoors, true story.  I'm not sure if anyone has a similar fear but the fear is real...panic sets in.  I can't stand it actually!  I can't eat at an outdoor patio and have become used to the groans and moans from my lunch friends when I request we eat 'inside' on a hot day; I run at the speed of light if I think one is even near me.  If a bee is flying around me and my children I will leave them there... my children that is..yes.. that is how much fear I have.  I remember once when my son was a baby in a stroller and I left him in the stroller as a bee flew around while I ran like a lunatic down the street flailing my arms in the air.

Funny hey?  Funny but embarrassing.  Imagine me a grown woman running and screaming over a little bee?

One time recently it took me twenty minutes to come in my house.  Everything was delayed; dinner, homework and why? Because a bee was sitting on my front door (waiting for me of course) and I couldn't bring myself to just go shoo it away and so stood there like a moron waiting.

The only time the bee comes in handy is when I'm running (like for real running) and I want to stop; because I can't breathe.  If I see a bee; even if I can't breathe; I sprint like a Cheetah.

The Birds (You know the movie) hey..that was cool..I love horror films..even cheesy ones..BUT The Bee's (The movie) forget about it! I had nightmares for weeks!!

Not this movie...I liked this movie..kinda

I feel a little better about myself knowing I don't have a fear of something dumb like frogs...(ha ha I dig at my cousin)..but you know..I'd still rather not have the fear!

These are Killer Bee's -- But I'm not really afraid of them..just the mullets

OK... so you can all wipe the tears of laughter from your eyes...

How do I get over this fear of bee's?? I mean seriously people?  Hypnotism? Would that actually work?

Do YOU Want a Piece of ME?

Everyone else wants one, so I figure you must too.

Sadly though, there are very few pieces of me left to give these days.

Ever feel like you have way too much going on and you just want to hide under a rock for a few weeks?

I'm uh feeling 'stressed' for lack of better words; stressed and a little like a rubber band that is about to snap.

There are a multitude of reasons for this of course; Work, Family, Writing, Running, and well Social Media.

Funny hey...that Social Media would hit my stress list? True Story.

Work has just been crazy busy; usually a good thing as generally being busy means good business and well money.  It also means the day passes quickly and there is nothing worse than being bored (I think - I'm never bored).  Sometimes I feel like the littlest hobo "On the rode again"... ho hum..

Remember this show? It was one of my faves!

Writing; I barely do this anymore.  I have my 'fantastic' novel just beckoning to me but it just sits.  By the time I actually have 'time' to sit and write (or read for that matter) I'm either so mentally drained, or I just want to go to bed. 

Running; I need to train at least 4 days per week to obtain my desired results.  Despite my best efforts this is becoming harder and harder to achieve.  Last night for instance, when I thought it was the perfect night for a run, I found myself with exactly 20 minutes of 'me' time.

This should have been me last night...but it wasn't..besides there are no lakes in Calgary

My Children/Family, they really are very wonderful people, all of them; meeting each of their individual needs however is becoming quite challenging.  Between ensuring I'm there for every event and every bed time.  Making every dinner and doing all of their laundry and well let's not forget quality time (?) I'm wiped.  Yep I admit, I'm just completely wiped.

Social Media: I love it.  I've met some great people, I've been using Social Media to keep in touch and to drive people to read my blogs but you know what? (a) When I don't blog I have nothing to post (b) I spend the entire day looking at my computer and sometimes I just can't do it anymore (c) I have to cater to everyone, make sure their needs are met; at home and at work - that when I don't re tweet or haven't done my klout for the day I feel guilty?? And then I get mad, I have enough 'mother' guilt as it is and sometimes I think I should just cut social media out for awhile (but I don't want to).

I am a very driven and loyal person.  So when I'm not giving 100% at work I feel GUILTY.

I feel like it's my life's purpose to write and when I don't I feel SORRY FOR MYSELF.

I LOVE running.  When I don't run I feel like I have to explain myself (even though no-ones really asking), I'm explaining it to myself truthfully..but I either feel GUILTY or SORRY FOR MYSELF when I don't get to do it.

My children and husband are great.  Each one of them has something really cool about themselves, but quality time seems rare.  It's always the same, there is not a lot of 'connecting' going on with any of them.  I schedule special times, but it doesn't always work out.. so I have that Mother GUILT which makes me feel GUILTY.

Social Media.  If someone is driving 'business' to my blog, or has sent me a nice Tweet or Facebook Message and I don't respond right away I feel GUILTY.  If my Klout score goes down (which it does) I feel SORRY FOR MYSELF.

I can't lose weight (maybe because I'm so tired and just want to eat donuts) so I feel SORRY FOR MYSELF.

I can't (or refuse) to quit smoking, and I've convinced myself I have cancer (just my typical anxiety) so I feel GUILTY.

Obviously....this is not a good thing right?  This is really not how we're supposed to live our lives, but I'm not sure I know how to stop this cycle of insanity!

This blog by the way is not supposed to be a negative-feel sorry for me-blog.  I'm sharing what I know is true of many people out there. 

So how do we get our lives back?  What is the next step? What do we let go of?  I'm really interested in feedback here!

I'm not really going to 'crack' like the blog suggests, but it doesn't surprise me how so many people do.  So..in this day and age how do we do it all?  How do we work to provide for our families? How do we spend quality time with our spouses and children to ensure our marriages are healthy and our kids feel loved? How do we stay healthy in a world were fast food is so prevalent and finding the time to work out is so rare?  How do we live our best lives if we're so focused on living everyone else's?

I need to do this more..hold out my arms in the wind & wear a white dress

Would love to hear from you!

Happy Mother's Day Mom

Most of the other beautiful things in life come by two’s and three’s; by dozens and hundreds.  Plenty of roses, stars, sunsets, rainbows, brothers and sisters, aunts and cousins, comrades and friends – but only one Mother in the whole world – Kate Douglas.

I’ve always wanted to write my mother a letter; yet it seems almost as daunting to me as writing a novel.  How does one sum up the feeling, emotions and memories of nearly forty years in a mere letter?

You know, I don’t think I actually thought of my mother as a human being until I had my first child, and even then I didn’t fully understand it.  I remember after giving birth to my son; after he’d been cleaned and I was in my ‘room’ for the night and they came in and placed his crib beside my bed; that feeling of “Oh my God” I’m a mother.  No one is going to come and take this child back, I am not babysitting, this child is not on loan, and he is mine.

It was a little overwhelming actually.  At only 22 years old I didn’t get that my life would forever be different. 

This made me think of my mother in a different light for the first time; did she feel the same way after I was born?

It’s funny but all of those little things you do for your children from birth to age three are pretty much forgotten.  You forget all the nights you kept your mother up with worry, forget that she kissed your boo boos and read you bedtime stories; forget that when you were sick and fevered she was in tears because she didn’t know how to console you or help you.  The only time you remember that your Mother did these things for you, is when you’re doing them for your own child.

You may have grown up with a religious mother, a subservient mother, a mother who baked you cookies on rainy days or built tree forts with you in the back yard.  I didn’t have this kind of mother, but I was blessed with a strong one.  A mother that I respect and love; a mother that I admire with a certain amount of awe. 

Some say that before you are created the angels pick who your mother will be.  Whether that mother gives birth to you or adopts you the stars are aligned to make this happen; I believe this to be true of myself and my mother as I couldn’t imagine any other as a perfect match to be my mother.

I’m laughing out loud as I am imagining myself as a teenager.    As a teenager I would have never uttered the above words.  I thought my mother and I were as different from each other as oil and water.  I used to imagine that she would spend all of her waking hours coming up with ways to make my life difficult.  I could not wait to get away from my mother.  It’s sad but true.  Everything she said in my opinion was uneducated, unfounded and just plain ‘not right’ (Funny how history repeats itself—take my son for instance).   She didn’t ‘understand’ me; she didn’t ‘get’ what it was like to be a teenager.  She had lived a sheltered and sad life as a girl in the 50’s and could not possibly understand a teenager in the 80’s.  I could go on and on...

Something happened at some point though.

I consider my mother to be one of my best friends.  My biggest supporter and confident.  I think she is the strongest and smartest woman I know.  She has been through so much in her life and yet she has remained such a strong person for her children.  In the last 10 years or so I have realized quite quickly how much she and I are alike; and now I like to admit it. 

She has shaped me into who I am today.  She has passed down her strength, her knowledge her dedication and loyalty. 

Recently I was talking to some women who had lost their mothers.  Listening to them felt tragic to me as I could not imagine losing mine.  Who would I call when I was sad? Or Angry? Or if I was really proud of myself?  It’s always my mother I think of first.

Thank you mom for everything you are.  I love you more than you know. 

This blog does nothing in the way of expressing just how deeply I love, respect and admire you; not even close.

I’m not sure I could actually put into words the last 40 years frankly, so for now I’ll just say thank you.

Wishing you a fabulous Mother’s Day!  I hope you realize how important you are!

Love your daughter

xoxoxo

Let's Just Get On With Life Already!

So Obama proclaims publicly that he is in support of gay marriage.

Yay!

If only I knew ahead of time that proclaiming such a simple thing could make me so beloved.

You know I’m glad he did it.  I’m not saying he shouldn’t have.  Maybe he should have said that a long time ago.

My issue is; WHY IS THIS EVEN STILL AN ISSUE?

It really bugs me actually. 

How can any one person in the world tell a couple that they cannot marry because it’s against the law?  This is so archaic!

Why is it that anything ‘different’ from the mainstream must be over-analyzed and beaten to death? And I’m sorry, but why do laws and statutes come in line so closely to religion?

Religion and Politics are two separate things no?

Can I not be a catholic democrat/liberal or a Catholic republican/Progressive Conservative?  If we are basing our laws and statutes on religion wouldn’t this mean that all people of one religion would/should follow one political party?

Sorry I digress.

How the heck does it affect my kids or myself if Jim and Carl or Mary and Lisa get married?  It doesn’t!! At least not in a negative way; not in my opinion.  I’m just so happy that our kids have so many options!  Sounds silly maybe, but seriously now.  Some of the most important things in a successful and healthy marriage are (a) Love (b) Trust (c) Friendship (I know there are many more..I’m just sayin).  Who cares if it’s two men or two women or a man and a woman!  WHEN are we EVER going to get over this?

The people who make such a fuss about these things are uneducated.  I mean that’s just how I feel.  I know it’s a pretty strong statement and I apologize if it’s offensive but still.

The only reason that Gay Marriage (or being Gay period) is such a big deal is because the people mentioned above won’t stop talking about it!  Frankly the topic is boring.  WHO CARES?

Is there ever going to be a time when we live and let live?  I have several ‘Gay’ friends and acquaintances, both Male and Female; thing is I don’t usually say I have a ‘gay’ friend because…WHO CARES!  They are my friend!  Who cares what colour they are or what their sexual orientation is or what they like to eat for breakfast every day! Bottom line; they’re my FRIEND.

Sorry… I just get mad.  Some people wonder why a straight boring chick like me feels so passionate about these things… LET ME TELL YOU.. this intolerance that we have today for everything that is DIFFERENT..will ONE DAY…affect my CHILDREN!