My take on Shaken not Stirred..

Or in my case Blended not Pureed.

I think one of the biggest problems with blended families, is that they expect to do more than just blend.  (Think of the settings on your blender if you will).  Most people try their damnedest to 'Puree'.

I've long since given up on Pureeing my family, and as a result life is relatively more peaceful.

Part of stopping the puree process was because it was causing too many issues.  I grew up in a 'Step-Family', not a blended family, and though there are many similarities, they are both very different.

In a regular Step Family, one spouse does not bring children to the mix...or to the blender.  That is a huge element that makes being a step family, and being a blended family different.

Let's look at my Grandparents..or step-Grandparents (although I'd never call them that).  I have a very close relationship with them.  I don't see them very often, but I grew up with them, and they mean the world to me.  I sometimes forget they're not my 'real' Grandparents and parade around like I'm Dutch..(sorry Fries)..which I am neither.

My mother married my step-father who had no children..so in a way we became his kids.  So when the Grandparents would come over, we were the kids...we were not just my "Moms Kids" we were "My Dad's Kids" too.

It was quite easy to assimilate into this new family.  I mean to be fair, it wouldn't have been this easy in every family, but this family were just a huge bunch of 'Fries" (Pronounced Freesh or Frees) happy people who could care less if we were spawned from their DNA or not.

Blended families are different.  Had my step-father brought children to the marriage it would more likely have been a 'mine' vs 'yours' situation.

You have to tread more carefully in the blended family, as to not hurt feelings...meaning, I may not have called my Grandparents 'Grandparents' if it had bothered one of my step-siblings...and well I may have been bothered if one of my step-siblings called my Grandparents theirs also.  I know that was long winded, and maybe hard to understand..so I suggest you re-read it. :)  Hopefully you'll pick up what I'm putting down.

I was disappointed that my in-laws were not as enamoured with my son as they were with my step-son, and anxious that my mother wasn't as enamoured with my step-son as my son. I wanted everything to be perfect...but I mean, how can that even be so?  They're basically strangers, and why was it so important to me anyways?

The answer is, I don't know.  But it was, and now it's not... that is something I know clearly.  Perhaps in time these relationships will become something else, and maybe they won't... but right now everyone just really likes each other, and what's wrong with that?

You see, this is what I mean about "Puree".  Why waste a whole bunch of time and energy to make your second family appear like your first family?  It isn't!  It's different!

My sons (both step & bio) get along with each others family just fine, there is nothing broken, and there is nothing to fix.

Becoming a blended family and trying to make it work is hard! No Question about it!...I suggest trying my approach, not just with the 'Grandparents' as mentioned here in my blog...but with 'Everything'.

Remember to embrace your second family..it's important!  It might be a little messy and full of chunks..but it's worth it!